PMC's: Do's And (mostly) Don'ts

From toy-workers.blogspot.com

Too real and too funny. Click below -

Tips for Contractors

Spain vs. France: The First Ladies' Match

 

Nothing new but a worthy re-post. Carla Bruni-Sarkozy (blue dress) and Princess Letizia Ortiz Rocasolano (I don't know what color that dress is!)

What To Do: Trapped-In-An-Elevator Emergency

Patay! Got this from the forums and it's too f***ing funny!

(Click on the comic strip to expand)

Breaking A Car Window With A Spark Plug

An interesting cross-over post, both for being cool along with the potential of such knowledge to save someone trapped inside a vehicle (possibly. . . if you do happen to have spark spark plug handy during such an incident?)

It's the ceramic's harder composition than the glass that makes this possible.

Multi-Purpose "Stupid" Poster

A Maverick Comedian

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

The late George Carlin was a stand-up comedian in the US. Despite being peppered with foul language and biting sarcasm, I like his style because he makes you think about things while driving you delirious with laughter! His influence is felt through the younger generation of comedians for his courage, rebelliousness and irreverence to take on sensitive issues like society's conventions, the law and it's regulations, religion and politics (e.g. - apparently he was the one who started the joke about the oxymoron in the term "military intelligence"). In his last years he was still active with his angry, curmudgeon-style of comedy.

Below are some videos of his routines:

He reduces The 10 Commandments (Warning: Utter blaspemy and insensitivity towards religious beliefs ahead if you dare watch it!) -

He talks about "stuff" -

UPDATE:

More biting brilliance from the late, great George Carlin

And some food for thought about the hotly contested RH Bill. . .

Electric Eel Powered Christmas Lights

Yes! The title says it all! In Helsinki, Finland they got a bit creative with a "green" slant on Christmas decorations.

The photo taken from the original article HERE

The "Man Purse"

Funny!

THE Worst Job in the World

This one's a bit dated, but still a good one. Manong massagista, sub kita? 

100% Pure Awesome!

I saw this posted somewhere. Acrobatic skill, balletic precision and steel nerves all rolled into one. Of course I need to update my insurance if I were to do this. . .

An Axe (the Deodorant) Ad

There's some statistics on gender and relationships thrown in randomly. The trouble is I can't seem to focus on them!

Chuck Norris Hillarity!

'Tang ina! Who said action superstar and semi-mythological being Chuck Norris can't be funny?

You remember Steven Seagal in that stupid "I found gold in the Philippines" ad for a local liquor company years ago? We all know some actors in Hollywood do commercials and product endorsements abroad for a number of reasons. Of course primarily for preserving their image and all that money they're being paid.

Señor Norris is here doing several for a telecom provider that seems to be for the Czech Republic. I posted the two that I liked best -

Well, it just about ruined what's been written here - Chuck Norris Facts

Diane Lane is 45 and Still Looking Amazing!

Wow naman! Somebody should start a Wikipedia entry for "HOT Older Woman" and fill it with pictures of this American actress. Yes, I know about the magical wonders of Photoshop, but c'mon! She looks even better than women half her age!

More?

Click here for her video. . . Susmaryosep!

For Gentlemen: Hand on Back Guide

Jamie Chung is HOT!

Don't know her? Me too! All I know is that she's a Korean-American actress of sorts from some movies I've never seen.

What I do know is that I can't feel my legs. . . I can't feel my legs!

Top 50 Best Jokes (According to Some Brits)

Apparently, some British researchers gathered more than a 1000 jokes and had 36,000 people sift thru them for a Top 50 Funniest Jokes list of sorts. The collection below (of course some of them are a lot funnier if you're British) -

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

49. A seal walks into a club...

48. Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

46. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'

43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

42. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

40. 'I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?" I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". '

39. 'My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!" '

38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster

37.' I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"'

36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

35. 'I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said, "Those are pickled onions". '

34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

32. 'Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here" '

31. 'So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck". '

30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

29. 'I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?" '

28. 'A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." '

27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

25. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".'

24. 'A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here" '

23. 'A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?" '

22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

21. 'A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything" '

20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

19. 'I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".'

18. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

17. 'When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband". '

16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

15. 'There's two fish in a tank, and one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?" '

14. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '

13. 'I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one". '

12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

11. 'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. '

10. 'A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." '

9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

8. Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

5. 'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

4. 'A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

3. 'Dyslexic man walks into a bra...'

2. 'I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.'

1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

Had a good laugh? I did :D

Emergency Bra/Face Mask?

Hmmm. . . click below for additional smells, este, info pala -

http://www.gizmag.com/emergency-bra/16474/

Does YOUR Senator Look Like This?

Who says politics don't have their share of head-turners?

Recently, the the world caught sight of Gov. Sarah Palin from Alaska in the US who was a Vice-Presidential aspirant. The late Pakistani Prime Minister Benazhir Bhutto was included in a US magazine's list of the "World's 50 Most Beautiful People" (and reputedly drove around in her sports car back in college in Harvard!).

Then from the Republic of the Philippines; Sen. Pia S. Cayetano who is described by her website as "the youngest woman elected in the history of the Philippine Senate. A lawyer, entrepreneur, triathlete and mother of two. . . "

She reminds me of another stunning triathlete and model, a wahine straight from Hawaii; Lokelani McMicahel who's also "the youngest female to finish the Hawaiian Ironman" (I wouldn't be surprised if she had Filipina roots too!) -

Man Throws Shoes at Bush

THIS IS WRONG! Security breach! It should not have happened!






Idiot's Note: Practice your aim and throw beforehand! :)

Ouch!